A Box of Beary.

It'd been two weeks since they called to say KoBear's ashes had arrived. And I felt simultaneously guilty for leaving him there, and grossed out by the idea of picking him up. Who was this person who actually took little Beary's body and burned it? Did they watch as it happened? I don't think I would have chosen to have his remains if it weren't for Temple, who is sweetly sentimental and ritualistic about these things.

But alas, the errand fell to me, and finally this Tuesday, I bit my upper lip and ran it: I went back to the cancer doc where Kodie passed away to pick up his ashes.

I wanted to make it quick, even left the car running, so I could run in and out, and make a clean get-away. But as I stood there, waiting in the reception area, I realized it wasn't going to be so easy.

The receptionist pulled a box out of the cupboard. She handled it very sweetly, very gently, and walked it around the desk to hand to me with both hands. Very respectful, almost as though she were giving me the flag draped over the coffin of a fallen soldier. I took it with both hands, and walked very carefully to the car.

I was holding it together - for all of those two seconds I was in public - until I got that Box of Beary into the car, sat it down in the passenger seat, and realized it was all I had left of my baby boy. That box that sat next to me, that I was afraid to open, afraid to jostle, and afraid to drive with for fear of spilling him -- that was all I had left.

I cried uncontrollably. All those snuggles, all those smiles, the high-fives, the fetching, the swimming, the Kobear Hole, his last days so sad and sick, and the particular pain we feel in his absence -- it all came rushing over me.

So this weekend, at Montara Beach, with Bailey and Temple, my mom and her two goldens, we will open the Box of Beary and spread his essence all over Montara Beach. And this season of Camp Fluppy Puppy will begin on a very somber but important note: in tribute to KoBear.

Bailey Here ...

Woof!
I've taken over on this blog because I'm tired of all the mourning.
Let's get this dog blog started!

All I can say this morning is thank god for Aunt Linda and 100-degree heat!!
Yesterday it was so hot, I think Mommis' brain got a little scrambled.
She came home about 2 in the afternoon, and announced we were breaking our diet.
Woof Woof!!

First, we had awesome cookies from Aunt Linda.
Mommis even tried one of the cookies to make sure they were okay (hey, paws off!) -- she said they tasted like Lorna Doones.
Here's a picture of me eating one, just to prove they made it past the Organic Gestapo.

Then we had ice cream. Mine was called Frosty Paws. Hers was called Ben & Jerry.

And then, I guess because it was so hot, Mommis threw out that stinky Citronella spray crap and broke out the Frontline!!
Thank god!

It was an all-around inorganic day.
And damn it felt good.

Coming Soon to a Theater Near You.

Rock on! I just realized Blogger supports video. And I took some great video on Kodie's last day. I'll try to edit together a tighter compilation of Kodie footage this weekend.

Thanks to all of you for reading and commenting and emailing me about the blog.

Means so much to me to know you're out there.

The Silver Lining

If there's any silver lining to losing Kobear so young, it's that I'm now able to lavish amazing amounts of attention on Bailey.

Yesterday was the first walk we've had since Kodie's passing that I can really say was good. Bailey was shakin' his buns and fetching like mad, and midway through the walk, I felt the old familiar surge of happiness. It reminded me how these walks can and will still be the most joyous parts of my life. I finally didn't feel like we were missing Kodie; I was able to focus on Bodie, his rapidly improving fetching skills, his glowing health, and our rapidly deepening relationship.

I'm able to do things I could never do for two dogs, like cook for him, buy every new supplement I read about, and brush him daily. Bailey, the former independo, is really taking a liking to all this attention. I take him everywhere with me - to cafes, on errands, and to the mailbox. And I talk to him constantly. As such, he now sees us as companions. He comes straight to bed when I announce it, he snuggles up on the couch between Temple and me, and he even likes it when I brush him. All these things were characteristic of Kodie-pendent, but not BayDogRebelli.

There are so many downsides to having only one dog -- he doesn't have a companion, there's less activity around the house, we miss our puppy, and we generally feel less like a big family unit. But there is one silver lining: we can focus on making Bailey feel like one royal, much-loved, well-pampered puppy.

Natural Flea and Tick Prevention

Since Kodie's passing, I pledged to get really holistic in all aspects of pet care. As you know, this applies to food. But also to stopping my Terminix service at the house (pesticides in our grass) and also aborting use of Frontline.

This last one is especially tough, because we live next to a very lush mountain, and everyday we walk through the trail and come home with ticks and fleas. Frontline has been our savior.

But I have to take my cues from Kodie, and in his last couple months, he really cowered when it came time for his Frontline dose. You could tell he didn't like it, and I'm sure it made him feel sick or weakened his little immune system, which he desperately needed to fight the cancer. I know he was also giving me cues about what to feed him, because he would only eat sardines or tuna at the end -- no grains -- and this is what all the cancer books say (to feed protein). So I'll take it from Kodie: there's something to this meme about Frontline being dangerous to our pets.

But what natural alternatives are there to Frontline and Advantage? A quick Google reveals that the first person to answer this question with an effective, well-branded, all-natural product will strike gold. There's not one answer. I asked my vet the other day, and she recommended the somewhat new product Revolution. It apparently protects against fleas, ticks and heartworm. But I know it's not all-natural, so I don't think we'll be headed in that direction.

Here's an amalgam of all the organic flea/tick remedies I've found, and we'll be trying several of these, so watch for a post with my follow-up report on their efficacy:

(1) The first thing you find is that healthy dogs repel fleas and ticks. I find this to be partially true. I do think Bailey's not getting any ticks since we switched his food to homemade. But he has been doing a little biting and I'm not sure health can fight a vicious flea season. It's starting to warm up around the Bay Area, and I don't think being healthy is quite enough.

(2) The flea comb. This is the second thing you'll read: get a flea comb. We actually had one - it was Kodie's little brush - and I pulled it out today and gave Bailey a really good once over (okay, thrice over). Those help, too, but I'm not certain you can actually *see* a flea to know for sure if your dog has em.

(3) Garlic, of vampire fighting fame, is believed to be an effective flea/tick repellent only right after crushing. If you cook it into the foods, it loses its preventative powers (though not its other nutrients). So you want to crush it on your dog's food right before serving. We've been crushing one clove over Bailey's food for about a week now, and it's only somewhat effective.

(4) Neem Oil. I've read about this stuff in several different news groups. You can apparently buy it naturally and add it to shampoos, or dilute it with water and spray it on your pet. I ordered a commercial product, the Ark Naturals Neem Protect Spray, and will let you know what I think.

(5) Only Natural's Pet All-in-One Flea Remedy is another product I've ordered and will report on. Have heard this also works very well.

(6) Cloud Nine Herbal Dip by Halo. Have read this works well though haven't tried it.

(7) Essentail Oils - if you're into these, apparently Citronella, cedar, peppermint, rosemary, eucalyptus, lemongrass and lavendar work well, if you put them on your dog's collar, or spray them onto the dog frequently. Young Living Essential Oils is apparently a good source.

You can read more about these and other natural flea and tick prevention tips here and here.

Have you had your CBC today?

On Saturday night, around 2 am, I woke up, rolled over, and petted Bailey. Only to find a bump on his side.
Upon further inspection, it was oozing and crusting and looking rather unhealthy.
I picked him up, and ran to the other room, where Temple had passed out:
"Honey, look," I barked. "Bailey has a tumor. Look! Look!"
He didn't even have time to awake from his slumber before I had declared a Code Red Emergency. I spent the next three hours examining the unwanted intruder. I tried wetting it with a washcloth, to see if it was just something he'd rolled in. That elicited an endless flow of puss, which scared me even more. And then I watched as it alternated between little bits of blood and crusty scab-like material. I googled and googled. Weeping tumors. Tumors on dogs. Puss and tumors. I'd read something about tumors related to Kodie's cancer (malignant histiocytosis), and the evidence was piling up that Bailey also had the disease. He'd vomited twice in the past three weeks. And he was making those swallowing/lip-smacking noises that Kodie was. Only thing missing was lack of appetite, but that symptom would have a hard time manifesting in Bailey, who lives for food.

By 5:30 am, I had Bailey loaded in the car and was down the block on my way -- again -- to the emergency vet. Until I called my mom.

"Just wait. It's not cancer," she reasoned. "Oh, and happy mother's day." I'd waken her at 5:30 am on Mother's Day with not a mention of it. What a daughter.

I listened, I argued, I reasoned, and ultimately, I capitulated. "If it is a tumor, one day is not going to make a difference," she said. "And you'll save $1500 going to regular vet instead of the emergency vet. Anyway, you hate the emergency vet!"

She got me there. I couldn't stand to go back to that damn vet.

So yesterday (Monday), we made our way to the HMB vet. She was sweet and apologetic about Kodie, and very understanding about my concern for Bailey. Though she doesn't think it's a tumor, she suspects it was some other invasive substance (like a foxtail), which can also be very dangerous. She pulled it off and put Bailey on antibiotics.

I also asked (nay, demanded!) that we do a CBC on Bailey. CBC stands for a complete blood count, and the truth is, I'm not going to get over my fear that Bailey, too, could have cancer, until I see those results. Those were our first indicator that Kodie wasn't just "a fussy eater" (his results showed elevated calcium, low albumin, and increased globulin). I've since read a lot about people who test their dogs' blood and fecal samples every 6 months. So while we may not do it that often, I'll probably do it every year with Bailey's annual check-up. It costs $100, and I think you can do a topline blood panel for less. I chose to do the in-depth one so we'd have a good baseline.

We get the results today. I will, of course, let you know.

UPDATE: we got the test results, and Bailey is as healthy as can be.

You've Got Mail!

What a Day to be a dog! Just in time for my return from Seattle, everything arrived.

After a quick trip to Starbucks and an extensive walk, Bailey and I made our way to the mailbox, where we hit the motherlode: three package notices. And they were all for Bo! One contained our new Orbee balls (though we'd just used a tennis ball on our walk), another was the final dog nutrition book, and the final was a box of new-trition. I'll get back to that in a minute.

After that, we headed down to the HMB dog store, where Bailey took a particular liking to Dr Becker's Bites. I read the ingredients, and they are pretty pure (liver, Vitamin E and garlic). Especially like the "Baked on" date on the bag. April 18 - that's 3 weeks ago. Cool. Aside from the open box of bulk food that he always takes freely from, I've never seen Boda select a treat so forcefully.

Then we were off to Whole Foods, where I found that they carry Halo brand pet foods. These are made by the woman who wrote the only dog food book I recommend, the Whole Pet Diet, and whose company is now co-owned by Ellen Degeneres. The 20 oz cans of Spot's Stew (for someone Bailey's size) are $4 a pop, and I'm pretty sure he'd need 1 in the morning and 1 at night. I bought two for emergencies, but those aren't a realistic option for us. That said, when you read the ingredients, you'll see it's the purest list you've ever seen. And it's literally the same Spot's Stew recipe we've been making out of her book. So onward, Jeeves! Take us to the produce aisle for stew ingredients!

I picked up the usual, but doubled the amount so I could make enough for a whole week this time: organic celery, carrots, 4 little zucchinis, 4 yellow squash, a few handfuls of green beans and 2 sweet potatoes. You really don't need much of these to make a weeks' worth of stew. Then I picked up 2 lbs of lean ground beef at the butcher, where I also saw they had ground lamb, buffalo, and a bunch of other things we could eventually try, but that cost twice as much.

All of this, for those of you counting, cost $17. We already have the grains at home (quinoa, barley, bulgar, etc), and I've already purchased the Essential Fatty Acids oils that I put in. So if the two batches I whipped up tonight can last the whole week, this nets out to about $1K a year. I'm not sure what I was spending on kibble, but this is the best use of $1000 I can think of.

Now, the fine print: I also bought a bunch of other food stuff that arrived in the mail on Friday (new-trition). These things aren't recommended by the Whole Pet Diet, but by the supposed pet cooking guru: Dr Pitcairn. I didn't buy everything he recommends (a thoroughly overwhelming mix of vitamins and minerals), but I did buy the ingredients for his Healthy Powder. Healthy Powder consists of nutritional (brewer's) yeast, lecithin, vitamin c, kelp powder and Kal Bone Meal. If you're interested, I can tell you the brands I chose, but suffice it to say all are available on Amazon. Basically, you mix a bit of each together, refrigerate the mixture, and give 1 TBSP on top of every meal. Total cost of all these supplies was something like $60.

So our routine is now to:
(1) cook one stew batch for the fridge and one for the freezer
(2) add a tbsp of healthy powder before serving
(3) add a tbsp of the EFA oil mixture before serving
Plus two occasional, non-mandatories:
(4) crush a clove of garlic on top since we're no longer frontlining
(5) add some chopped parsley for good digestion

This sounds absolutely nutso, I know.
And you should see "my shelf" in the fridge -- it's now Bodie's shelf.
But it's really not that hard.
And I'm only on my third time.
I'm sure I'll work out the process into a streamlined, simple system.
And I'm going to keep track of what I spend, and also the effects on Bailey, so I can offer some advice about which parts of this chaos are worth it, and which are a waste of time.

I can report one act of restraint which might restore your faith in my sanity. The dog store was selling elevated food bowl stands for $100. I've seen the elevated bowls around, but honestly haven't read much on them. Apparently they are ergonomically correct and help improve digestion. Since we've shaken up Bailey's diet so much, so suddenly, any digestion aids are good. But $100? I couldn't justify that. So we came home and "elevated" Bailey's bowl ourselves by putting it up on a teak side table. Worked quite well; digestion issues solved.

UPDATE: Oh, one other thing arrived. Kodie's ashes. Got a call from the vet that they are in. I haven't been quite up to retrieving them, but I will soon, because we're having a ceremony in exactly 13 days, as soon as Buppy & Paunnie & Grandogma arrive for the 2008 summer session of Camp Fluppy Puppy.